A Lesson in my Psychology

Well. I watched $CODX. Of all these virus plays, it was the only one today that was consistently above the VWAP. More than one time it was at the lows that I’ve learned to look for – and more than one time it blew past my orders as they went in.

When it got to highs and started setting up support, I recognized the patterns. I told myself – more than once – “This isn’t a crash pattern.”

And I was gun shy. My last orders were unfortunately too low by the time they were entered and passed onto the market, so I had already canceled two orders.

I’m not ashamed to say that I am already somewhat gun shy. Putting my money at risk is not something I’m keen on doing in general. I worked hard for it at a shitty job and I don’t want to lose it. So putting the order in in the first place is a psychological battle for me. I was getting better about it last week and I thought I was doing better this week, but then this happened.

After my first two misses – after convincing myself twice to get in and missing my shot and having the stock run without me – I just couldn’t place the order. It was a psychological problem.

Analysis paralysis won.

I waited for what seemed like a roughly decent entry. I knew I had to get in – not for the money, not for the trade, not for the win, but to basically convince myself I wouldn’t die.

To more advanced traders, it may seem really silly. It even seems a little silly to myself.

I got in without a plan – no stoploss, no target – the plan was get in and get out. I took analysis paralysis out of the equation. There was no thought to it. I made sure I was near support and there were higher lows, so that I knew I wasn’t getting in on a dump – that would not have helped me. And I just got the fuck in.

I put my bid well above the ask so I couldn’t miss again and I just sent in the order.

Bids started climbing, I got out – as per the plan.

Get in. Get out.

The $10 gain was fortunate and, had I stayed in, it could have been a hundred dollar gain, but that wasn’t the point.

I feel better about myself. I’m ready to get in the next one, if I see a good opportunity.

I’m going to start taking cold showers to get used to doing things that make me uncomfortable. It’s something I’ve been fighting for a long time and I think it’s pouring over into my trading.
I think the reverse is likely to work: force myself to do something uncomfortable and train myself to “take the plunge.”